Music frequently helps me concentrate. I have playlists for reading and for writing and even for work. When I'm really engrossed in a task, the music becomes part of the background, gently sliding in and out of my conscience; a trusted friend keeping me company.But occasionally the synthesis just doesn't happen. The rhythm is all wrong or the songs come up in an unexpected order, jarring me in all the wrong places. Then I find myself becoming more and more irritated and the more attention I pay to the discords the worse it gets. I'll tut and drum my fingers and try to force my thoughts to cooperate, but the effort is wasted. The words don't come, reading won't jell, mistakes will hide in the half-completed e-mails.
Usually at this point I'll give up with a final snort of anger and frustration. I've never been very good at persevering. When everything comes easily or at least feels like it does, you don't learn to push through the resistance. It's too easy to just give up and flounce off in a fit of pique, blaming someone or something else for things not going right.
But not today... no, today I was determined to write something, even if it's just a couple of paragraphs on why I'm not writing and here it is. You've just read it. The thoughts are still not jelling and the music is still all wrong and there's someone with a hyena laugh a table away and yet, I'm going to harness my stubbornness and keep writing.
Maybe it will be another blog post, maybe a story, maybe a sketch that no one will ever see, but I will keep writing until I'm sure that I'm stopping because I've found something better to do and not because I'm just being lazy or unmotivated.
