On service v. submission

Recently I listened to a discussion about whether service and submission are the same thing. To those of you reading who are not familiar with what I'm talking about, the context here is the Dominance/submission aspect of bdsm.

It was interesting to hear how other submissives viewed the role of service in their submission. Some have said that yes, for them submission is service and vice versa, while others felt as I do that service and submission are different although they can go hand in hand.

I didn't participate in the discussion, preferring to just listen to what the others were saying. At the same time my own thoughts were scurrying about although I think the realization of what was bothering me hit me almost as soon as the question was asked. Subconsciously (for myself) I had been equating service and submission but the moment I had to actually verbalize it, I knew right away that for me service and submission are completely different.

Not only that but when I think about serving, I think of it as almost entirely self-serving. I love it. I get a whoosh of pleasure from performing a service, however large or small and the question then is, if it's a self-serving, not to say selfish, act at the core, regardless of whom else it ends up benefiting, is it really submission?

I had thought that I was a submissive, but if service alone is not submitting and if all I've been doing is giving service, then am I really a submissive? What is submission worth when it's something you give willingly rather than something you have to struggle with giving?

And I suppose one could ask, why does everything have to be a struggle? Why can't you be happy that something comes easily to you? Why does it have to be difficult? Well, the truth is, it doesn't, but then it isn't worth quite as much, is it?

It's certainly not worth as much to me if it's something I do easily. Thinking back to when I was a student... It's something like taking a very easy class and getting an A in it or taking an advanced class and working your heart out to do well and getting the same A. Which is more valuable? They are both As but you know that what you did to earn the former is not nearly as much as you did to earn the latter. And yes, both may add the same to your GPA but they are not the same.

So, if service and submission are not the same, and if serving is not submitting, then what is submission? I think I know the answer but I'm not sure I can reconcile with it. Perhaps something to think about for the next post.